I thought tonight’s post was going to be a rant where I complained about my eye strain, my long work day, and asked for suggestions on how to stop clenching my teeth. I took this picture of my beer in a fancy glass to illustrate how I was treating my frustration and exhaustion.

But after snapping the picture, I turned on the TV and was thrown into the live press conference being conducted by Dr. Levine and Governor Scott, announcing the first two deaths from COVID-19 in Vermont. Major reality check.

The news was inevitable. Not all of us are going to get out of this alive. Most of us will but many of us are vulnerable due to preexisting health conditions. Those with compromised immune systems are counting on everyone, even those with strong immune systems to take the necessary steps of physically distancing, hand washing, and not attending public gatherings so that the spread of this disease is slowed and then stopped.

I’m not working from home because my employer required it. I cried when I made the decision to work from home. I lead the IT Team at my firm and I felt that was letting my team members down by not being on the front lines with them. (Note: I’ve found that I’m perfectly capable of working an 11-12 hour day at home and still being on the front lines virtually.) But after hearing from those who I love and who love me, I decided it was irresponsible to continue my risky behavior. I have asthma.

More specifically, I have cough variant asthma that is brought on by illness, stress, and most commonly, exposure to soy in airborne form. On top of the asthma, I have a severe allergy to soy. Eating tofu or edamame will put me in anaphylactic shock. Thankfully it is pretty easy to avoid that. However, it’s not so easy to avoid soy in other forms. Besides being hidden in food it is also in products we use around our homes and workspaces; air fresheners, laundry detergents, soaps, candles, and hand sanitizers.

Yup, hand sanitizers. Sanitizers have several ingredients that are soy based including the glycerin, tocopheral acetate, and frequently any fragrances. As everyone ramped up hand washing at work(myself included) and using hand sanitizer, I found myself coughing more and more. It’s embarrassing to be in a meeting and cough repeatedly, so I was going through 10-12 cough drops a day at work. I wanted to wear a t-shirt that said “I’m not sick, I’m allergic to your hand sanitizer!” But it is important that these steps are taken and please continue them.

The increased coughing signified a negative turn in my asthma and use of my inhaler for the first time in a year. I realized that I really am at risk and needed to protect myself. If an asthma attack from inhaling sanitizer particles made me feel so bad, what would the coronavirus feel like? So I started working from home and it was good for two days. Day three and I really missed my ergonomically perfect desk, chair and monitors. I was feeling crabby and cranky and ready to drink a few beers. Then I watched the news. It was a stark reminder why I am staying at home and motivation to stay home as much as possible.

I’m going to get through this and you are too. But we are going to get cranky and we are going to want to go out and gather, get close to each other, and have life be normal again. We have to resist that urge for now and make the connections virtually instead so we can stay ahead of this threat. I have faith that we can do that.

On the bright side, in the three days that I have been working at home surrounded by with soy-free soap, soy-free candles, and soy-free everything, I haven’t used one single cough drop. Not one.